I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize