I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
