We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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