Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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