I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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