Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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