I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
