Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
