I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
