I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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