I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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