A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
