Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
