He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
