Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
