She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
