As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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