i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
