We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
