Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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