we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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