connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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