I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
