also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
