shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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