Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just invented taco cereal.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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