Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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