there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
