my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
