watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
