Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
