WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
