i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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