I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
