It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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