There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
