3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize