Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
