he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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