so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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