she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
how does that bad decision feel?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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