At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
