i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
