You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
