He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
