So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
