I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
