you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
