just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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