it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
