Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
