he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize