Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
