put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
