sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
