wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
