don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
