when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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