he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
