You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
