It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize