Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize