no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
