thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
